this is why we can't be friends: the next generation

Cora likes to sing in the car.

She's mostly into "mashups" where ya know, she pieces different songs together at will.

This week on the way home she said, 

"you know what song we haven't sung in a long day?"

(please let me always remember that she said "long day" instead of "long time)

Proceeds to sing song she made up that I've never heard....song mostly made up of the word: choo choo

"Do you remember that song, Momma".

Uh no.

"SING IT!"

Uh, okay.  <>

Immediately hit with intense verbal assault about how I'm singing it wrong.

repeat for ten minutes until we get home.

meet this is why we can't be friends the next generation.

This is why we can't be friends: phat

Tonight:

Andy: I'm getting fat, I weighed myself.

Me: how much did you weigh?

Andy: almost 170

Me: Most of that is probably beard anyway

Andy:.... I never thought of that. Now I'm just proud.

TIWWCBF

(This is why we can't be friends)

this is why we can't be friends: what's at steak.

So I sent this image to Andy to explain our difference in steak preference....

he responds:

"I think I'm somewhere right after "wait", but before "what are you doing?"

this is why we can't be friends.

by the way this may seem like "entrapment" fora blog post...but it's really not.  I didn't make him respond stupidly, he could have said "oh, why yes, you are right, medium rare IS best"...but alas, no.

this is why we can't be friends: it's yo birthday...

No, not me...well yes me...but also:

Andy Klein @Andy4Klein

You and the park service have the same birthday!

Kansas ForestService @KSForestService

Happy B-day to @NatlParkService, 99 years old today! #FindYourPark #NPS99 #NatureRx @nature_rx goo.gl/S0uYJX pic.twitter.com/K8xtnc0L7K

If you asked which one he was more excited about there would likely be some serious hesitation, followed by him-hawing, following by stuttering, followed by some confusing justification, followed by a rebuttal.

This is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: turtle power

So at the lot tonight we found a turtle in our garage....as any loyal blog reader (so two of you) will remember we have a history with turtles....

meet fernando (also found in our (at the time) garage)

and sherpando

and  orlando

So we find this turtle and move her (I don't know how andy knows it's a girl? but apparently it is?)

out of the garage, yada yada yada.  

We get home tonight and have the following conversation:

Sandy: what would be a good name for a girl turtle that ends in "ando"?

Andy: well they are different kinds of turtles.

Sandy: so that means it's name can't in end "ando"?

Andy: well the turtle tonight was a painted turtle not an ornate box turtle.

Sandy: so that means it's name can't in end "ando"?

Andy: blank stare

this is why we can't be friends.

This is why we can't be friends: it's a classic

Our conversation this morning when I noticed what Andy was wearing:

Me: wearing your shirt from junior high today, huh?

Andy: 10th grade

Me: I don't think that response makes it sound any better 

Andy: maybe 11th

Me: ....

This is why we can't be friends 

This is why we can be friends

Here is the rare feature "this is why we CAN be friends"...

After responding to my text about the kids today, I got this additional text: 

"Unrelated but interesting note... I just spoke with a man with the last name of Wigglesworth."

This is why we're married.

this is why we can't be friends: feeling "off"

An email from Andy earlier this week:

"Have you felt 100% ok today?   My tummy is just a little off, and I feel just a little sore, maybe just from sleeping hard in one spot."

Oh really? You feel a little "off"? and maybe a little sore or achy?  Hmm.. is it a like a mild irritation, fleeting kind of feeling....or more like you are growing a human and have expanding body mass and joints everyday kind of feeling?

Please tell me your problems.  I imagine this is an incredible burden on your day.

This is why we can't be friends.

also, we all noticed he used the word "tummy" in that right?  maybe we'll chalk that up to having a 2 year old and let it slide....

This is why we can't be friends: baby bump

this is shockingly similar to the previous post.  anyone else sensing a trend?

Andy: hey did you pick up that lotion? (We have sunburns)

Me: no... I hate going to walmart.

Andy: because you're getting so fat?

Me: ....

This is why we can't be friends.

But I am getting pretty "fat".

This is why we can't be friends: k2

So in case you misses it we are expecting baby k2 in November... If you have seen me lately this is definitely not news.  Hence this mornings conversation:

Sandy: I look like a whale.

Andy: yea, you mean because your wearing that polo.

Sandy: ...

So guys, you don't ALWAYS have to agree with your wife.  This is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: sandwich

Why do you do when someone you care for isn't living up to their potential?

Perhaps provide encouragement? Helpful words of advice?

I may have mentioned before that Andy and I have our own morning roles.  

(Andy, I encourage you to ONLY READ THE WORDS IN BLUE from here out...)

Aside from getting ourselves ready, I also (typically):

• Wake up baby girl
• pack the diaper bag (including diapers, change of clothes, whole milk, etc.)
• pick out cora's clothes (including finding socks that nearly always match)
• wrestle cora into clothes for the day
• look for cora's shoes then put them on her
• bribe cora with food so she will put her coat on
•  AND...make smoothies for Andy and I

In addition to getting himself ready, Andy also:

• makes us sandwhichs

hmm. I guess that didn't really need a bullet point...

Anywho, that's our routine and that's fine...EXCEPT. Mr. Andy has not been living up to his sandwich making potential.  I have been "encouraging" him to cut my sandwich in half forEVER -- he KNOWS that is how I prefer it...but he is pretty hit and miss...with this week being ALL MISSES.  To the point where I have sort of given up (cut it in half myself this morning)

Okay, you are thinking, "hey the guys making you a sandwich let it go."

First of all, I do make him a smoothie every morning, BUT, even if you had a point and I did decide to embrace mediocrity in this way....TODAY I OPEN MY LUNCH TO FIND THIS: 

 

WHAT???? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THE CHEESE AND THE LETTUCE/SPINACH BOTH GO ON THE TOP.

everybody.

knows.

that. 

I mean seriously. What has a girl got to do get a properly made sandwich?

This is why we can't be friends.

This is why we can't be friends: what's in a name?

A completely serious conversation tonight:

Me: you say Andrew weird. It's like you don't say the "d"....like an-rue.

Andy: I know. I don't know how to say my name. 

Me: you don't know how to say your name?

Andy: No! It's the same with "Andy"

Me: you don't know how to say Andy?

Andy: << silence >>

Me: it's like "sandy" without the "s".

Andy: I know.. I don't know how to say your name either.

This is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: wind chill

So yes, Andy is from Minnesota....where apparently temperature doesn't exist in the winter.  So don't complain about it being cold if you don't live there.  You don't know what real cold is.  Only people from Minnesota do. Sorry.

(by the way the drama of when it reaches like 87 degrees and he is MELTING can't be imagined...but forbid anyone complain when it's cold.)

moving on to this morning's converastion:

me: I guess it was smart thinking of me to wear a dress on the day it's 8 below.

andy: (all minnesota knowingly) that is just the windchill

me: you mean the "feels like" temperature? 

andy: exactly.

me: oh great. well, I guess I'm fine then.  

...

me: you should wear something nice since it's your birthday

andy: I want to wear my green flannel shirt because it's cold....I'm also going to wear my long underwear.

<< sigh >>

Refer to the top note.  Only people from Minnesota are allowed to complain about the cold.

this is why we can't be friends.

oh, and happy birthday andy! :)

this is why we can't be friends: living a lie..

So Andy is always preaching limiting how much sugar we eat...making sure we get lots of fruits and veggies and, as much as possible, avoiding super processed foods.

This has resulted in this annoying voice in the back of my head nagging at me everytime I think about eating something I really shouldn't.

SO, what  SURPRISE it was to get the in the car this morning, my first time in the car since he returned from Minnesota this weekend, to find these things:

 

WHAT???? I like poptarts, and fruit by the foot and ice cream!!!!  So, secrets out, he is a closet eating, sugar loving hypocrit.

this is why we can't be friends.

(yes, I immediately called him and confronted him...he sounded guilty. really guilty, mumbled something about wanting to grab things that were easy to eat while driving....and the braums was from a "work trip" this week.  sure it was...maybe a working on your LIES trip..)

this is why we can't be friends: diaper duty

Tonight's conversation.

Scene: I come back into the living room from rocking Cora to sleep and notice the pile of clean diapers on the couch next to where Andy is siting...he was folding them when I left, but is now looking at the ipad.

Sandy: Oh, did you get all the diapers folded?

Andy: Yea.

Sandy: Yea?

Andy: but some of them unfolded themselves.

Sandy: oh, well that's not good.

Andy: so I'm going to have to start over with most of them...

Sandy: hmm. 

this is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: fart machine

So back in the day Andy added "fart machine" to a grocery list...see here.  Which actually inspired the "this is why we can't be friends" feature.  He later received a fart machine of his very own from my parents on Christmas...the gift that keeps on...well...anyway.  He has taught Cora how to use it.

This is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: little bird

Our conversation this morning:

Andy:

Sandy:

Andy: WHAT??  Do you know how cold it's supposed to be today?

Sandy: Like in the 50s...

Andy: Yea, but the "feels like" temperature is in the upper 30s low 40s.

Sandy: You're a Minnesotan.  That's like light jacket weather.

Andy: Yes, it is.....but I haven't lived in Minnesota in years.  Plus I'm little

Sandy:  Did you just say you are little?

Andy: yeeesssssss.  are you calling me fat?  Next time we go to the science museum in Minnesota I'll show you this display they have with a little bird in a box and a, like, bigger animal...and they have a heater in the box, they aren't real animals.

Sandy: oh really? they aren't real animals in a box?

Andy: and they show you how the little bird gets colder and hotter faster.

<>

Sandy: So in this scenario you are the "little bird"?

Andy: yeeeessssss.

<< awkward silence >>

<< a while later... >>

Sandy:  I hope you stay warm, little bird.

Andy: I hate you.

<< this is why we can't be friends >>

this is why we can't be friends: saturday morning

sigh.

So as we are sitting around finishing up breakfast this morning, I begin to think about our plans for the day:

sandy: so what's on our plate for today?

andrew: well...it looks like you've got nothing and I've got one egg...and I'm going to get a piece of toast. (insert smirking giggle)

sandy: silence

andrew: (fake innocence) oh! is the not what you were asking?

sandy: don't talk to me.

this is why we can't be friends. happy saturday.

This is why we can't be friends: Poop

So Andy is out of town this week -- down helping a group of community college fire science students in their week long "internship" on wildland fire.  

This week I am trying to make Cora an Easter dress.  Today I had to meet my mom and Cora for lunch to get a few last items to finish it up.  I noticed immediately that she had "that smell" about her.  So, I took her out to the car to change her pants...sure enough..full.  At which point I realized that I only had 3 wipes in the travel container...this was more like a 6 wiper.  

To recap:  Andy is off playing with fire, spending his days outside, talking non-stop about one of his favorite subjects....and I got to come back to with poop all over me.

this is why we can't be friends.

this is why we can't be friends: nickname

Chatting with Andy online today...we are chatting about what meal we should fix to take over to my sister's for dinner on Tuesday...

Andy:

yep, sounded great

maybe we could make Italian beef sandwiches for MSJA

me:  

maybe

i emailed ash for the recipe

Andy:

we should come up with an acronym for them, like SOhJAM

 

JASMOH

me

i'll let you work on that

Andy

ASMOHJ

me

you are weird

Andy

your face is weird

 

this is why we can't be friends..